Tuesday, July 12, 2011

On Whining -

It's been pushing four weeks since I've written and not because I have nothing to say. It's more about not having the strength with which to say it.

While I have always detested whining in any form, I find I dislike it even more now. NOT because there isn't something to complain about and NOT because I would quiet anyone, least of all myself. It's mostly because I hate the way it sounds ... either verbally or in written form. There's nothing that makes me want to roll my painful eyeballs more than reading "I had to drag my exhausted body to ... to ... and NO ONE appreciates how hard it is ....."

Really? I do and we do. "We" the community of those with neuro endocrine immune diseases. We really, really do. We know all about not being able to eat, or sleep, or have troubles swallowing. We know all about loss. Really. We've lost pretty much everything and recognize there's more to go (literally and figuratively.) We've begged, we've pleaded, we've sobbed ... we've attempted to make deals with God and the Universe. We've been willing to accept blame almost anything if we could ONLY have our health back. Really. We'll work until the second we draw our last breath. We promise never to have a penny of discretionary income. We promise to never touch a drop sugar/alcohol/trans fats/red meat/whatever is demanded, again. Really.

But the reality is, it's not about that. It's not about us as personalities. It's our bodies. It's Just Not Personal. At all. Letting go of that is a huge process as most of us here in the U.S. of A. as believe that we have a say in our own destiny. Isn't that the American Way? Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness?

But define destiny?

What I have learned is that my destiny is inside my self. In my thought processes, in the willingness to let go. It's there that I have choices and can pursue happiness ... and believe me, I will.