I will say this, I always have amazing intentions and since being in treatment (tx!!!) I'm having more and more spurts of motivation. A spurt, however, does not an action make. It's more like a "WOW, I should do THIS!" and then I have to go lie down for an hour.
Today I woke up REALLY encouraged for a variety of reasons, and was determined to fit in ALL my Lyme goodness. But what I keep forgetting is that my former 24/7 "get up and go" no longer exists. Now I'm more like an "I'll think about it. Maybe. What did you say? No. What were we just talking about? No. I don't want to ... what??? I SAID that? Oh. I probably did, huh. Wow. I have NO memory of that. Fair enough. I have no memory of pretty much anything." Yeah. My kids make jokes that I can always watch previous seasons of "Breaking Bad" again and again and be gloriously horrified every time I watch it. "Law and Order?" Yeah, I could quote entire episodes now.
But I did get in the meds, some YOGA, the amazingly and completely exhausting detox bath, and two meals. Two out of three ain't bad. And then I remembered ... I needed to empty the garbage and change the cat box. Larry's been complaining for a week now and when I looked in at it I actually apologized to him. So today I accomplished things that take other people a couple of hours and it took me six. Really.
About the yoga. In fairness to myself, while it was labelled for beginners it was NOT labelled for the incredibly deconditioned. Really. In many areas I have retained my former levels of flexibility (go, muscle memory) yet at some points I just watched this relatively young woman do things that I couldn't even figure out. Makes the Hokey Pokey look like child's play. Yup. That might have to suffice for humor this evening.
I will say I do not feel like a Bad Ass Lyme Warrior tonight. I feel all kinds of Babesia sweaty and absolutely ready to get off the roller coaster. I don't feel exactly defeated, yet I'm very aware that that I'm five weeks into a 156 week program. Not exactly half way and "coming out the other side." I hear the first four months are the toughest ... I'm 1/4 way through that! PLUS, I have NOTHING even remotely funny to say.
And people are being snarky on Lyme forums tonight. Full moon.
Stages of Grieving might be on deck. Either that or The Chronically Living and Emotions.
I'm kind feeling both right now.
I'm going to bed.