While The Baby and Mr. Sensitive were doing some brotherly bonding today ... I went to a healing prayer conference.
Ok. I hadn't meant to introduce spirituality into my blog QUITE so early in the game, but it appears I'm going to need to.
I'm a Christian and a democrat. Yes, it's possible. I believe the bible is the Word of G-d and that Yeshua was a radical liberal who, no doubt, was probably a socialist and would DEFINITELY support Obama's health care reform.
The conference was great. Superb, in fact, but it did make me think a LOT about why I'm not getting better. OTHER people w/CFS get better ... 80% w/in the first year, although the average length of illness is ten years. Some people NEVER get better and, in fact, get progressively worse. I'm on year 8 myself.
I had people pray for me at last night's session and this morning there was a message someone was healed of CFS. I claimed it. I believe the Word of G-d and I KNOW that people healed. So why not me!? There don't seem to be any clear answers on this one to me. There is no condemnation in Yeshua. I'm in Yeshua so therefore I am not condemned. My healing is not my responsiblity, therefore my not healing isn't either, right??
But I felt pretty good last night and I felt pretty good today. Able to get around just fine, no need for my cane or anything ... didn't even wish I had parked in a handicapped place. So ... am I healed?
I head home full of vigor and hopes for the rest of my afternoon. I get home, sit down, and BLAM ... full force CFS crash. Many symptoms return. I am EXHAUSTED. Is it normal exhaustion or is is CFS exhaustion? I don't know. But I DO know whatever it is isn't my "fault." I'm done taking the blame for my body.
On the LTD/SSD front I did open some kind letters from the good folk at my LTD company, Assurant, who have assured me my LTD has ended because I haven't gotten SSD within a 24 month window. Graciously, they have offered me the opportunity to appeal my case. Right.
If this is anything like the State of MI allowing me to appeal my SSD denial it ain't no picnic. And for a person of questionably healed state and lounging on the couch trying to catch her breath, I'm in no mood to trifle with Assurant, or my dear personal representative who refused to tell me whether or not he preferred to be addressed as Bob or Robert. All I wanted to do is make sure my ERISA lawyer addressed the envelope promptly. This question caused Bobert much distress and all he could get out was, "YOUR STATE ALLOWS THIS!" Swell. I asked if I die on the streets before my SSD is granted if my heirs could collect on it. He asked me not to ask questions like that. Uh huh.
Final answer? Yes. If I die on the streets while the State of MI and Assurant Insurance Company are duking it out, yes. My kids get the money.
I think they'd rather have me. Really. Sixty percent of a charter school teacher's salary ain't much.