Pretty soon I came to an online contest link, "Which one of these beauty products would you like to win and why?" In front of me was an array of stuff from lipstick to books, to "bundles." I read all the descriptions carefully and decided, what the heck, I want the works. So I typed in, "I'd like the beauty bundle where I learn my type of beauty. Before I was disabled I knew who I was and how to dress, but as one who now lounges around most of the day, I've lost all sense of self." A few days later I received an email saying I'd won. I promptly emailed back saying they must have written the wrong person. Thus began the "yes, you won, " "no, I never win anything" email tag.
Well, they were right. I DID win. Being the good little researcher I am, I looked up this "Carol Tuttle" expecting to find clothing that costs like oh ... $150 for a t-shirt. Nope. There was this very "real" looking woman talking about how ALL women are beautiful (I'm up for that) and how we tend to judge ourselves by societal standards. BINGO. Did I really win? Did I hit the jackpot? I read that some of her vita and realized this chick didn't just show up on the scene and announce herself "Queen of the Wardrobe." Nope, she did HER research and had much more experience in energy profiling than she did with dressing. I was liking this. REALLY liking this and could HARDLY wait for the books to arrive. Arrive they did and the soul searching began.
Basically Carol has divided people into four groups:
T1. The Bright and Animated. (certainly not me.)
T2. The Soft and Subtle (see also certainly not me.)
T3. The Rich and Dynamic (now we're talking my language)
T4. The Bold and Striking (again w/the certainly not me.)
I read on and realized each personality had been WELL described.
T1: Bright and Animated. I can tell a good story w/the best of them, but have no T1's in my family and I think that's a good thing. I'd have clobbered them (bodes well with Rich and Dynamic (also pushy when operating in their dysfunction.) However, I see my best friend in this type. Random brilliant thoughts like pop corn. Cute as all get out. I find I can only do "these people" in small doses. They're delightful, but they exhaust me.
T2: Soft and subtle? ME? No. I've been compared to an atom bomb ... yet also described as one who comes and just stays quietly. My father used to call me the iron fist in the velvet glove. His pint sized tiger. I recognized 2/4 if not 3/4 of the sons have some T2 in them. Mr. Sensitive for SURE is a dominant 2. The Lawyer and the Musician definitely have very tender aspects of their nature. Even The Baby (although he's loathe to admit to this.)
T3: Rich and Dynamic. NOW we're talking my language. Moves through life with a swift "push" and gets things DONE. Yeah, baby. Except ... was this really me? Did I act the way I did because I NEEDED to? Raising four sons alone while getting an M.Ed and teaching full time is no small process. Neither is moving halfway across the country to escape some issues I didn't care to deal with. Caveat: the issues came w/me.
T4: Bold and Striking: These are the model types. Yeah, I did a stint as an adolescent doing some runway stuff for a local department store, and yeah, I did pose for some painters and photographers. It was my face ... I though it was the Ukrainian Jew thing in a sea of white bread faces. But maybe not. Maybe it WAS the high cheekbones, deep set eyes, fairly chiseled jaw. I read on. WAIT. They were describing ME. A loner but a lover of people. Quiet. Loyal to those they respect, otherwise their own authority. Blunt. A perfectionist. Detail oriented. Etc. etc. Huh. I ran to the mirror looking for this bold, striking woman but just saw a nigh unto 56 year old with a big nose. Later, I looked again with my hair pulled back. Yep. There it was or rather ... there *I* was: high cheekbones, symmetrical face, not very large pores, widow's peak. WHAT????
Because I was sure I was really a T3, I mean, COME ON, I sent my photo in. I still have the one Anne Brown returned to me and can hear her gentle voice beginning, "I looked at your photo before I read your comments and when I pulled up your picture I saw stillness." (By now I was in tears.) "To your T4 perfectionist eye you see your flaws where others see your beauty." BRING ON THE TEARS!
So only then did I go through the T4 course where I sobbed my way through hearing about myself. I'm NOT the only one who feels misunderstood. ALL people do. If ONLY we all could see the beauty and POSITIVES (not just the negatives) in other energy types. I recalled moments when my children were young.
When at age 4 I realized Mr. Lawyer was going to be a Lawyer. (Type 4)
When at age 2 The Musician began calling out the instruments he heard played over the grocery store Muzak. (Type 4)
When at age 5 Mr. Sensitive told me someone hurt him on the inside. (Type 2)
When at age 3 The Baby "stomped" my beloved Hyperion Lilies because "he didn't like their shape." BTW, he said this astride a tricycle. (DEFINITELY a Type 4.)
HUH. If ONLY I had known this pre-divorce. If ONLY I had known this when my kids were little. I will say my adoption story was a blessing in that I devoted myself to parenting (and later teaching.) I have always only wanted my sons and students to know and value THEMSELVES before moving on into making life choices.
I'll save the clothes part for later.
Right now I'm going to go bake some gluten free brownies for Vito.