Renewal ... in a T4 State of Mind

In my quest for "living light" and being oh-so true to my T4 bad self, I am emptying out my closets and storage areas of things I no longer use or wear.

Metaphorically speaking, WHY am I releasing things I love into the Universe? Why, to make room for more of what I love, of course. No. I'm actually doing this for some very practical reasons and am assuming the metaphorical stuff will show up on the Universe's time table.

First of all. I have too much stuff, plain and simple. I realize part of my discomfort in my 1k square foot apartment is that I have too much stuff in my closets. This means even doing laundry or purchasing a new pair of jeans is cause for despair. Because to get something OUT or put something AWAY means moving too much stuff. I'm wearing thin of this stuff maintenance. Every Item I Own is being Scrutinized. Do I love it? Do I use it? Does it need a new home for some physical or emotional reason? If so ... into the E-bay Room it goes. I figure four years of grieving the loss of my teaching career is enough, who knows what the future holds ... but I can tell you what I WON'T be wearing. My former teaching wardrobe! Gone are J. Crew winter skirts (no matter how "timeless.") Gone are jewelry items I never wear but aren't worth holding onto for the kids/future grandchildren. Gone are six pairs of dress slacks. Gone are sweaters I no longer wear. Gone are T-shirts that are no longer public worthy but are good for gardening/cleaning/bathing the now deceased, but still loved Olive Veda. Gone are T shirts that were "good enough." Now they aren't. Gone are too-many-to-admit-to pairs of shoes and coordinating but not matching purses. Gone are all the scarves I accumulated but rarely wore. Gone, gone, GONE. Not all sold, mind you ... but gone.

The second bedroom/would-be-sewing room (if only I could remember in which box I packed the foot pedal) is now the official E-bay Room. For awhile I just gleefully threw in unworn clothing and shut the door but the reality is, I love Law and Order.

No longer able to do things in a Single Bound (anything, really) I have meticulously broken down the cleaning up and out process into manageable steps.

1. Remove all unwanted items and banish them to the E-Bay Room.

2. One corner at a time, sort them by usability or sellability.

3. Develop a reasonable selling time table (this alone took three weeks to get down.)

Then I had a break down. It was/is overwhelming to try and get rid of all this STUFF. Now I remember why when I sold the house I just GAVE so much away. Dealing with STUFF is OVERWHELMING. But now, with a pressing need for cash I didn't feel so acutely last summer, I am willing to go where I've never gone before. Selling online. I don't mean I want to open an E-bay store or turn this into a living ... I mean I'm willing to hold an online garage sale for which I have to write pithy descriptions of each item. But I digress.

4. Spring into action. Or, consistently move at a snail's pace which is what living with ME/CFS is all about. Being the tortoise and not the hare ... and realizing there are days when the tortoise pulls in, shuts out and down, and generally makes no movement at all. For days.

5. The E-bay Room now makes sense to me and this is soothing. I have piles of things currently listed. Piles of things I've listed twice, not sold, and will pack again to try again in the fall. Piles of things yet to wash/iron/list. Piles of things not destined for E-bay at all but for area charities. A "sons" pile in which I toss things about which I think I should ask the guys One More Time. Are they SURE they don't want my watercolor pencils or my sealing wax from the 7th grade???? Really???? Does anybody REALLY know what time it is? Does anybody really CARE?

I now have room to walk in and survey my Kingdom of Renewal (or Old Stuff Purgatory depending on my frame of mind/heart.)

5. And repeat.

And Ruth said, "It Is Good."

I am pleased to say I have sold several items on E-bay for more than a consignment shop would have given me. I'm enjoying writing those pithy little descriptions more than I had imagined and fancy myself a writer yet unborn ... J. Peterman catalogs awaiting me, newspapers and online zines banging down my door. And the ability to scream "Get OUT" like Julia Louis-Dreyfus.